Them & Us Part 1 - 1886 to 1893: Gentlemen v Players

This is a series of articles that attempts to look at the historical development of the relationship between the club, the players and its fan base. This is currently featured in the August edition of the Gooner Magazine

http://www.onlinegooner.com/covers/index.php?id=206

The journey starts with the club’s foundation in which all three strands were almost one and the same. Despite the club’s regal sounding name, ‘Royal Arsenal’ were merely humble Victorian industrial workers. Muck had never been too far away from the club’s founding fathers, their first match as Dial Square FC was on a muddy field on the Isle of Dogs on December 11th 1886. An open sewer had run beside the pitch that day, the frequent retrieval of the ball from which had required human excrement to be scraped off it before play could resume. Once the Woolwich incarnation of the Arsenal had found their home at the Manor Ground in Plumstead, the main liquid disposal pipe for South London had overshadowed the ground. It would often frequently give off a rancid smell during matches.

The club’s founders were also no strangers to slumming it, one such influential figure is that of Jack Humble (right), who had remained involved with the club right up to the move to Highbury in the following century. He had incredibly walked over 400 miles from his home town in Durham to find work at the Royal Arsenal in Woolwich. By 1886 Woolwich Arsenal had become Kent’s ‘elephant in the room’. Though it had a presence in Woolwich for over 200 years prior, a frantic arms race with the rapidly expanding French empire had brought a huge increase in the demand for labour, which had been filled by ‘migrants’ from all over the UK.

These workers had mainly come from the Midlands, the North and Scotland; barely a migrant in the contemporary sense of the word; however in late 19th Century Kent they had been as exotic as Amazonian tribesmen to Kent’s indigenous population. Their chosen past time of Association Football was also out of step with the past times of Kentish folk, who were mostly a Rugby and Cricket playing bunch. Those who played for the club, those who ran the club and those who watched the club came mainly from a very narrow spectrum. They were either the workers who had toiled at the Arsenal, or squaddies from the nearby Woolwich Barracks. Their fans were a committed bunch, 15,000 of whom before an FA Cup 4th Round tie in 1891 had swept snow from the Manor Ground pitch in order for the tie to go ahead. They were also intimidating; opposition sides had often been on the receiving end of alcohol fuelled abusive language on match days, which on one occasion actually lead a sensitive referee to abandon the game.

The club had found out though that a southern work’s amateur side had their limits. After their 4th Round FA Cup elimination by the professionals of Derby County, two of their star players had been poached by the opposition. To the club’s board it had signalled that a move to professionalism was the only viable option for the club’s progression. However, while professional Football had by this time exploded in the North, it had been sneered at as vulgar by those governing Football in London and the Home Counties. The opponents of Professionalism had claimed that the essence of the game revolving around the love of playing in a spirit of fair play would be destroyed by the influence of money and the necessity of winning.

Such concerns however were disingenuous; amateurs had often been ex-public schoolboys and the professional classes, compared to Professionals that were almost entirely working men selling their labour to survive. This hypocrisy had been perfectly summed up by the 19th Century Publication ‘Football Field’, which stated ‘let those who sneer at Football Professionalism over their walnuts and wine consider for a moment what it is for a working man who has to be thrown on his own resources’. Football you see, though for many centuries a folk game played by medieval villagers had died out among the common folk by the time of the industrial revolution and the long 15 hour factory shifts that it brought. Football by the 19th Century had become game a codified by and played by pupils of the public schools in order to extol virtues of the ‘muscular Christian ideal’. What was once the game of the ‘unrefined rabble’ was now they preserve of the ‘gentleman classes’, those with the luxury of leisure time.

Successive Factory Acts from 1844 onwards had gradually lowered the hours of a working week for the masses. An improved British economy and a fear of the angry masses causing the kind of uprisings seen in continental Europe in the 1840s brought the compromise which saw increased leisure time for working people. By the 1870s a 5 ½ day working week had become the norm, meaning that from thereafter numerous work’s football sides suddenly sprung up, watched by numerous colleagues letting their hair down at the end of a working week. Improved health conditions meant the masses were rapidly challenging ex-public school domination of Football. The unease of seeing their dominance eroded in such a manner was too much for the ‘gentlemen’ amateurs to stomach.

The growing professional dominance had mainly come from the Northern mill towns, particularly the original ‘invincibles’ and unashamedly professional Preston North End. The need for strong competition and regular gate money for such sides saw the formation of the Football League in 1888. At the onset the league had no sides south of the Midlands due to the resistance of the ‘gentlemen’ amateurs. Now a side drawn mainly from a bunch of humble factory workers threatened to spread the virus of professionalism on their manor. Royal Arsenal were immediately expelled and boycotted by the London FA and now faced financial oblivion.

A key figure at the London FA around this time had been Nicholas-Lane ‘Pa’ Jackson of public school amateur fundamentalist side, the Corinthians (left). Jackson had mourned the loss of Football as an exclusively old public schoolboy past time and believed in the unquestionable hierarchy of proletarian professionals subordinate to the ‘gentleman’ amateurs. In 1886 the first professional selected for the England side was forced to wear a different colour shirt from his ‘gentlemen’ team mates. By 1892, despite the growth and success of the professionals it had remained a convention that a Corinthians ‘gentleman’ captained England. The superiority complex of the ‘gentlemen’ captain toward their professional team mates was such that they would travel in a separate compartment, dine separately and generally blank his team mates when not on the field of play.

For two years this kind of treatment had been what Royal Arsenal were up against, until in 1893 the Football League accepted the Arsenal as their first Southern side, thus making it a de facto national league and signalling the beginning of the end of public school domination over the London football scene. The worker’s side had struck a revolutionary blow against the old boy network; however their battle for survival had barely even begun.

Wengerism: An Appraisal

As Ancient Greek Playright Euripides once stated "Those whom the gods seek to destroy they first make mad". Also, it's a feature of madness to believe that when you are at odds with conventional wisdom, it is everyone else who lack the capacity for rational thinking in contrast to your quite obvious sanity. As a certain empire in North London seemingly falls further into decay its faults are there for all to see, except of course for the emperor who continues to expresses his full confidence in the quality of his recent expenditure on clothing. And as Football's Rome continues to fall, what started out two years ago as a whisper has continued to incrementality rise in volume ever since - that despite the increase in the quality of Football, the season as unbeaten champions, the two doubles, the only ever European Cup Final, the shiny impressive new colleseum and the seemingly perpetual safety of champions league qualification what exactly has Rome ever done for us?

The deficiency in quality is clearly there, when faced with an irresistable force like a Drogba, a Rooney or a Messi one cries out for an immoval object like an Adams or a Bould. One is also reminded when looking at Almunia and Fabianski this season how two decades earlier a previous emperor George Graham had removed John Lukic in favour of David Seamen, recognising that though the former can do a job in the top flight a team contending for supremacy needs a supreme keeper who with an extra 4 clean sheets a season could gain a further 10-15 points that's makes the difference between title contenders and mere pretenders as it had done 12 months later.

That said though, those who through the internet forums often deride Wenger loyalists without any hint of irony as 'rose tinters' need to assess their own grasp on reality in not recognising that the club since it's move to Ashburton Grove has been working within financial restrictions from the debts incurred due to the third of a billion pounds required to acquire such a large amount of space so close to Central London and building a huge stadium on the site of it. Many such fans are advocating that in an era of global economic downturn in which banks are less inclined lend money and the inland revenue more inclined to pursue football clubs for what is owed to them, that the Arsenal Football Club proceeds on the basis of spending beyond its means.

Some sections of our fans are also bemoaning Wenger's lack of trophies in recent years, however since winning our last trophy in 2005 two sides which have won a domestic trophy include Portsmouth and Liverpool. Pompey fans by their own admission would happily swap our Premiership status and solvency for their 2008 triumph and upcoming date at the world's most overrated stadium in order to win a trophy which is now universally recognised as less valuable than it once was. As for Liverpool, they can only look on in envy that we now have the new stadium that they have been crying to acquire in order to match our level of match day revenue. They will also envy that the debts we have occurrd incurred are both practical in that we acquired something that would generate income and servicable seeing that in all likelihood we shall be in the Champions League next season.

It's also worth noting how the free spending days may also be numbered for the two sides who's shadow we have been living in since 2005 in regard to the Premiership title. Manchester United's debt stands at £716.5 million, they only broke even last season through the sale of Ronaldo without which they would have slipped £30 million into the red due to the £41 million interest payment on this debt. There are indeed only so many players you can sell for £80 million each season. Also, being the arch Blairite that he is don't be surprised if Fergie takes a leaf from Tony's book and retires before his own impending credit crunch can hurt his legacy, leaving the whole detritus to his unfortunate successor. In Chelsea's case Abramovich had reportedly lost three quarters of his wealth due to the credit crunch. Abramovich's break even target for the club of 2010 has also been spectacularly missed. The fact that they are considering selling the naming rights of Stamford Bridge shows that they are being brought back down into our orbit in a financial sense. At same point they too will also need to expand their match day revenue to the same as ours and United's by moving to a bigger stadium, the complications which are involved with that Arsenal can obviously testify.

However financial insolvancy is all well and good, but what about five trophyless seasons, can that be acceptable even from your clubs greatest ever manager? Well if Bill Shankly could go seven trophyless seasons from 1966-73 with Liverpool, why not? Liverpool could have sacked Shanks after Arsenal defeated his young inexperienced squad in the 1971 Cup Final, a squad roughly the same age as the current Arsenal squad. Liverpool's squad circa 1971 had included Toshack, Clemence, Heighway and Keegan. The aforementioned were not exciting big name signings but bargains from footballing outposts like Scunthorpe, Cardiff and Skelmersdale United (!). This squad was formed to replace, and by the start of the 1970s had very much been in the shadow of, Liverpool's successful 60s outfit which included Ian St. John, Ron Yeats, Tommy Lawrence and Roger Hunt. Shanks had never had Wenger's record of 13 consecutive top 4 finishes either.



By Shanks's retirement in 1974 Liverpool had won the title back and had the foundations of a side that would dominate the game for two decades. Whether Liverpool would still have achieved this by sacking Shanks in 1971 is a matter of debate, as too is whether Wenger could possibly get near matching anything like this kind of legacy for Arsenal over the coming years. However it's a clear testiment to what patience with 'Jam Tomorrow' Promises may bring. And those who continue to ask what Rome has ever done for us may wish to ponder the fact that when Rome fell around 500 AD a long dark winter that lasted an entire millenium had past before the renaissance came along around 1500 AD, so moral of the tale is be careful what you wish for.

In League With The Devil's Music

If anything can possibly be worse than a musical hero following one of your rivals it must be someone who you would consider to be the bane of your musical life following your beloved side, for Arsenal have quite a few of those. Islington born and bred, singer Dido (left) to her credit did the decent thing and supported her local side; it’s just a shame her musical output happens to be terminally dull. In an interview with Four Four Two magazine in September 2003 she reveals that her father had taken her and her older brother, Rollo from the equally dreary techno band Faithless from a very young age. She had also dated Sol Campbell back in 2004. Dido stated in the 2003 article that she held no objection to the gentrification of the club in recent years, then again how could she oppose gentrification of anything when her albums are more than likely to be the soundtrack of many a dinner party held by the flood of nauseating bourgeois types who have invaded the borough of Islington in recent years.

As a fan of Soul music I've always considered M People's bland radio friendly output the antithesis of the genre. As those who have subscribed to Arsenal TV know full well their Bass player Shovel, quite possibly named after the instrument I'd like to hit him with, has tried to build for himself a second career as a professional Gooner. From the same brand of Anti-Soul we also have Sharleen Spiteri from Texas - The band who was once famously second on the bill to David Brent’s Foregone Conclusion. She is also a major fan of North London’s finest and is close friends with Thierry Henry. Henry, as many of you will remember, had announced the birth of her daughter Misty Kyd via a message on his shirt after scoring against Manchester City on the same day back in September 2002. (below)


On the subject of music which lacks any authentic degree of soul, were it not for that well known maxim ‘Americans don’t do irony’ you would have expected Starsky and Hutch actor turned singer David Richard Soulberg to have chosen his adopted moniker with a large dollop of the stuff. If he’s dreary ballads were typical of the charts circa 1976-77 then no wonder many a pop picker turned toward the anger and alienation of Punk rock. However on emigrating to London in the mid 90s Mr Soul had took residence in Islington and had encountered David Dein at a dinner party in the local area. As he explains ‘I talked to a gentleman for several hours about everything except football, and at the end of the evening I asked him what he did. He told me he was the vice-chairman of Arsenal’. After taking up David Dein’s invite to attend a game at Highbury, Soul became hooked on the red and white. The career high point for David Soul had been displacing Elvis from the UK number one spot he had been occupying for 6 weeks in the wake of the King’s untimely death in 1977 with the tune ‘Silver Lady’. Who knows, maybe another Trophyless season for the Arsenal might see Soul displacing Elvis’s ‘Wonder of You’ with his other UK chart topper ‘Don’t Give Up On Us’ as our official anthem (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jlfhIo4QeAg).

If the dross of mid 70s pop is personified by David Soul, then symbolic of the detritus that is early to mid 80s music and style are Islington born and bred Spandau Ballet. Lead singer Tony Hadley and the Kemp brothers have publicly professed their allegance to the Arsenal, the latter two even decorated their house red and white for the 1971 FA Cup final. Gary Kemp explains though how at the start of the decade they helped to define, his Football supporting was relegated to back of his rather extravagent closet. He explains that ' if you’d asked me who I was in the early ’70s, the answer would have been simple. I was an Arsenal fan and a David Bowie fan. As I got older there was a period when I started to hide the football side away. You wouldn’t go to the New Romantic nightclubs, such as Billy’s or the Blitz, and talk loudly about football'. However by 1986 two of the Spandau boys publicly attached themselves to the beautiful game in it's ugly post-Heysel period. Both Martin Kemp and Steve Norman (below) were snapped up by legendary player manager Roy Race for Melchester Rovers.


In consideration of the flatness of the surrounding landscape of 80s pop, Wham, with hindsight seem reasonably good. In terms of ability though, they were very much a one man band. George Michael's musical partnership with Andrew Ridgeley could well be described as thus - George made the music, Andrew made the coffee. In expressing the dreadfulness of Jedward, Frank Skinner had described them in his column in the Times as 'Wham made up entirely from a partnership of Andrew Ridgeley and Andrew Ridgeley'. Sadly for us though, it's Andrew who is the confirmed Gooner. Appearing on Fantasy Football League in the mid 1990s, Andrew had revealed that he was an Arsenal fan, just as Football and indeed the Arsenal were becoming more and more fashionable. However this would come as a great surprise to avid viewers of 80s pop videos. In the video for Freedom in 1984, back in the days when Arsenal were banned from Match of the Day for being too dull and Islington was much less fashionable, Andrew quite clearly sports a QPR shirt (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2d_1puJ4kFQ). What would be cool though is if Andrew ever accompanied the talented one to Highbury. Did Andrew ever take George up the Arsenal? Maybe they were never that close.

We did however dodge a major bullet in the 80s. I can recall at the infamous FA Cup 3rd Round tie against Millwall in 1988, while surrounded by ugly scenes on the terraces an equally ugly one appeared on the pitch. Phil Collins had turned up to present a cheque to the winner of the Arsenal Lotto, leaving us wondering if the bald one was a Gooner. In a Shoot magazine feature on famous fans, I remember Collins had been listed as a QPR fan. Was Phil going through an Andrew Ridgeley moment and considering defecting to the Arsenal? Quite possibly. Luckily though, a few years later at the 1991 FA Cup Semi against Spurs at Wembley, at the height of national 'Gazzamania' the Beeb had interviewed 'Tottenham fan' Phil Collins at half time. Sadly for Collins (below), I very much doubt that he has experienced too many days in Paradise since.

Singing With The Enemy

In the mid nineteenth century Karl Marx had referred to religion as the ‘opium of the people’, however by the second half of the following century in a much more secularized western hemisphere there were quite clearly two contenders for the vacated throne. Both Football and popular music would go on to generate the level of fervour, hysteria and cult like devotion that had long since been lost to theology anywhere in Great Britain by the end of the 20th century. As Paul Weller (left) once stated on a track from the Jam’s third LP ‘All Mod Cons’ ‘to be someone must be a wonderful thing: a famous footballer, a rock singer or a big film star? Yes I think I would like that’; (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vnUH94BftYo) sentiment which most of the male population of the nation would concur with and in that particular order. The Modfather had long been a musical hero of mine; however in a recent interview Weller had revealed himself to be a season ticket holder at Stamford Bridge. This to me had come as a shock, remembering that in the late 90s when asked how he felt about Sky using ‘Out of the Sinking’ as its theme tune to their Premiership coverage Weller stated he was pleased however didn’t own a satellite dish nor particularly followed football. Therefore Weller turns out to be not only a Chelsea fan, but one of the worst kind – that which had latched on to the post-Abramovich bandwagon. Should the small club in Fulham feel inclined to adopt a Jam number for their own, ‘That’s Entertainment’ may not be befitting. In consideration of their fans Head-hunting past though, ‘A Town Called Malice’ may well fit like a glove!


Another hero from the same music movement which spawned the Jam is Joe Strummer, whose music and world view I have always held in high esteem. Years after leaving the Clash Joe went on to pen a tribute to Tony Adams (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yv0Y4na9uLo), could Uncle Joe have been a Gooner? Sadly not. Despite his admiration for TA his heart also lie at Stamford Bridge. Having such an association with the west side of the Capital as both Joe and the Clash had done maybe its not so surprising, however what about a singer from a band associated with North London and Camden such as Suggs from Madness? Again no joy here either, as one remembers from his ‘Blue Day’ cup final tune for Chelsea in 1997. ‘No commitment, your an embarrassment’ – indeed! (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KpN_TOP9hg8)


Madness were the leading lights of the Ska music scene in London by 1980, challenged only by the raw energy of Coventry band the Specials further up the M1. The Specials had invested faith in local talent by forming their very own 2-Tone label which had brought through other Midlands groups such as the Selector and the Beat. Maybe lead singer Terry Hall (above) followed this philosophy by backing the local footballing talents at Highfield Road? After all Terry’s formative years would have over seen a period in which they rose up from the old third division to the top flight and remain there until the new millennium. Again you’ll be disappointed, young Terry’s head was turned by the glamour of Georgie Best and is an ardent Man United fan. Rumour has it he even relocated to Stockport when forming the Colourfield in the mid eighties just to be closer to Old Trafford. Terry’s disloyalty to the Sky Blues is such that lord only knows what punishment Judge Roughneck would deem befitting for such a crime!
(http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5LudUWPbnBo)


Terry also exhibited all the usual cocky arrogance of a non Manchester Red during the Specials' comeback tour last summer at Leeds. Apparently, though the band were going down a storm Terry decided it appropriate to goad the crowd with the comment 'Thanks very much for Cantona', of course in reference to the infamous transfer of the Frenchman across the Peninines six months after winning the title with Leeds United. The yorkshiremen had not seen the funny side however and thus a shower of coins then rained down on the Specials' frontman. Terry had then quickly expalined to the crowd that his comment was merely in jest, however the last laugh was no doubt on him after the League One side dumped Terry's beloved Reds out of the cup roughly seven months later.


Can this hall of shame get any worse? Brace yourself chaps. As a musical hero can much taint the Honourable Robert Nesta Marley (left)? The dubious appropriation of the Banana Splits theme tune for the chorus of Buffalo Soldier is surely outweighed by the bravery of surviving an assassination attempt in 1976 for his commentary on the socio-political injustices of Jamaica in the Cold War era through his music (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7nlFZm3eiR8). From numerous Athena posters his love of the Jazz cigarette seems to come second only to his love of the beautiful game. Who then did Bob support? Well none other Tottenham Hotspur! How could Marley succumb to such dishonour? After all N17 is a long way from Trenchtown. One school of thought is that Bob had been a big admirer of South American Football, having been based in London in the late 70s after the Shooting in Kingston around the same time as Ardiles and Villa had been signed for Spurs. The other school of thought is that chain smoking marijuana does strange things to one’s thought process. Bob Marley had passed away on May 11th 1981, a date which oddly sits between the first game and replay of the 1981 Cup Final. The official verdict was the spread of cancer throughout Marley’s body. I’m no coroner but I believe his death was more likely to be hastened by the widespread belief that Chas & Dave were the most musically gifted fans that Spurs had to offer. Just goes to show that at the Lane they were musical as well as Footballing philistines.

In the words of a question once posed to us by the Stranglers, what ever happened to the heroes? Well thankfully there’s still Ray Davies (left) of the Kinks. A source of great music in the swinging sixties and a wide range of influence on those that followed. Whether it be the archetypal Englishness of Blur or Madness, the laddish sibling feuding of Oasis or the sexual abiguity of Bowie, the influence of the Kinks has been felt time and time again. In the Times Newspaper before the last game at Highbury lead singer and main songwriter Ray had wrote that ‘my father instilled in me the belief that Highbury was the most hallowed of places and the stadium itself epitomised the noblest spirit of true Corinthian sporting endeavour ...the players were as close as it got to god-like status and the club itself was secure and unmovable, a sporting monolith that would last a thousand years’. (http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/comment/columnists/guest_contributors/article713738.ece)

Well folks, that certianly is a sentiment I could applaud all day and all of the night. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F4DV-5d6a5g

Entente Discordiale

Reflections on the Henry handball saga, featured on the Online Gooner in December 2009.

http://www.onlinegooner.com/exclusive/index.php?id=1425

It’s funny how things turn out. From the Glorious Revolution of 1688 until the signing of the Entente Cordiale in 1904, Irish rebels seeking independence from their colonial overlords, the Brits, had often looked to France for help. The French had often entertained such rebellion, if only to simply get one over on their old enemy. Today however the situation – if only on the football field rather than the battlefield - has reversed. In the wake of the World Cup play off controversy the Irish have found an ally in the usually right leaning and jingoistic English press, if only simply to get one over on their supposed old enemy – the French. Arsenal FC has not surprisingly found itself found caught in the crossfire. A goal scored by a current player and former captain assisted by a helping hand (ha ha, I bet none of the press have made that pun yet?) from a former player and arguably our greatest ever, Thierry Henry. Cue moral outrage from Ireland’s assistant, the current head of youth development at Arsenal and er… well also arguably our greatest ever player, Liam Brady (below).


The Sun saw fit to lead with the headline ‘Hand of Frog’ in reference to Henry’s misdemeanor (http://www.thesun.co.uk/sol/homepage/news/2740210/Thierry-Henry-backs-calls-for-re-match.html). One might ask if this is permissible why it chose the headline ‘racist scum’ when Jade Goody used the words ‘Shilpa Poppadom’ in reference to an Indian contestant on Celebrity Big Brother? (http://www.spiked-online.com/index.php/site/article/2827/) The Sun also went on to hire the expertise of certain economists to highlight the benefit to the French economy that Henry’s helping hand would give them when the euros start rolling in for next June’s finals (http://www.thesun.co.uk/sol/homepage/news/2738459/Thierry-Henrys-handball-will-give-France-a-1billion-boost.html).

As the Wapping based publication is known by its own admission to have an incredibly low reading age, its readership may be inclined to confuse France’s recovery from recession (of which the UK continues to be in) on Henry’s handball. Most credible economic opinion however would attribute that to the absence in France of an unquenchable appetite for the destruction of its industrial base and the subsequent over-reliance on the financial sector(http://www.independent.co.uk/news/business/comment/margareta-pagano/margareta-pagano-thatcher-got-it-wrong-blair-and-brown-did-too-can-cameron-get-it-right-1845589.html). Lest we forget also that agent of this programme rapid deindustrialisation in the UK was heartily cheered on by certain foreign media barons (http://www.telegraph.co.uk/finance/2930665/Murdoch-defends-Thatchers-legacy.html).

Ardal O'Hanlon, a comedian who has barely raised a laugh this side of the millenium, had the following morning waded in with the statement that 'there was nothing like an injustice to galvanise a nation', with this particular nation facing a deeper recession than even that faced by the UK some form of galvanisation is definitely needed to distract the public's attention from the economy. The powers that be in Ireland were of course hardly likely to allow this situation to pass by quietly. Irish Justice minister Dermot Aherne had bleated on about, well, naturally the injustice of the whole thing. Irish PM Brian Cowen had raised the issue with Nicholas Sarkozy, presumably because there must have been nothing else of importance to raise in this political climate. As comedian Frankie Boyle had once retorted on 'Mock the Week' in reference to football's distracting qualities from real life (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bYTsP8SsfA8), football is 'look at the shiney shiney'. In these times of upheaval and uncertainty, the 'shiney shiney' is needed more than ever.

Many Anglophobes on the other side of the Irish sea would often in the past sneeringly point to the delusions of grandeur and reactionary jingoism of the English media, however would no doubt have to concede the moral high ground in light of the many disgruntled listeners flooding Today FM in need of on-air cancelling. One listener stating that 'Ireland were still kings - France are wearing a stolen crown'. Many observers to Ireland's less than attractive brand of Football would assert they would have more in common with paupers than kings, meanwhile calls to boycott French wine, French bread, even French kissing were straight from the Murdoch manual on hyperbole. As to were calls for violent disorder in playing the Kaiser Chief's 'I Predict a Riot'.

Forty eight hours after the infamy of the Stade De France cue the handover of London born Danny Kelly to Dundee born George Galloway on TalkSport. Both had decided to play the ‘Irish heritage’ card in a way that may have led to a call up from Jack Charlton two decades earlier like their co-presenter Glasgow born Ray Houghton. Tottenham supporter Kelly, never one to let professionalism get in the way of an anti-Arsenal sentiment, called Henry ‘weasley’. Galloway who admitted to once viewing Henry as a ‘prince among men’ said he would be forever damned in his eyes for not holding his hand up to the ref like Robbie Fowler to his wrongdoing. So one example in 150 years of organized football makes a norm does it? Lest we forget that Fowler’s admittance to diving against Arsenal (below) didn’t actually prevent a penalty decision being given in his favour, or the fact that the result was not in the balance as his side were already 1-0 up at the time of the incident.

Though it goes without saying it was clearly handled by Henry and the goal should never had stood, the reaction would seem to suggest that the Irish are somewhat unique in having a decision go against them that somehow a wrong had been perpetrated in which the very future of the game would be undermined had there not been redress. Liam Brady had stated 'If we’re going to have integrity and dignity in the world game the game should be replayed'. However it had fallen to the usually hotheaded Roy Keane had become the dispassionate voice of reason highlighting how Ireland had a dubious decision given in their favour against Georgia in the group phase and the FAI had not called for any such replay (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IMHwCbbG6WY). Ironically self proclaimed Man United and Celtic fanatic George Galloway referred to him as a troubled man for his outburst.


I also recall that a documentary on Channel 4 a few years ago had alleged that in Italia 90, after England had took the lead against Egypt in a match played simultaneously with Ireland v Holland - which stood a 1-1 - both sides had deliberately played for the draw which would see them both progress from the group phase. I don’t recall any outrage from the FAI in 1990 about the integrity of the game when Ireland subsequently progressed at the expense of four other potential third placed qualifiers, including Galloway's native Scotland.

On Galloway’s talk show one of his favourite retorts in the face of an accusation tinged with hypocrisy is to compare the said statement with the hunchback of Notre Dame telling you to stand up straight. It’s with this in mind that we turn to Liam Brady’s claim of Sepp Blatter’s behavior being an embarrassment. Anyone unfamiliar with one of Chippy’s stroppy outbursts should check his hilarious reaction to awkward questions after his last match in club management with Brighton after failing to beat Ryman league Canvey Island in the FA Cup in 1995 (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GyiAjUR6Obg).

Blatter having the nerve to point out quite rightly that if Ireland were to enter the World Cup as 33rd side, consideration would also have to be given to Costa Rica who exited due to a dubious goal from Uruguay, making such an occurrence an impracticality. FIFA though sadly lacked any degree of backbone when it opened a case for Henry facing a one match suspension. Would it be rude of one to point out that had it been spotted, a deliberate handball is only a bookable offence and wouldn’t even merit a suspension?


As ever when a player's conduct falls outside the boundaries laid by the rules of the game we have the inevitable trip down selective memory lane. Having took a cab ride not long after that, the sexagenarian driver had informed me of how players in the 50s and 60s never succombed to the kind of dishonesty as seen by Henry and Eduardo's private bungee jump at Celtic's expense back in August. In response I asked him how he could come to that conclusion in consideration how today you have almost every second of every top level match covered with cameras from every angle and watched by a global audience of billions. Incidents such as this are highlighted and milked by the press whenever they occur.


Contrast this with an era that didn't even have the highlights of one match a week covered until 1964 with few camera angles. Most matches were only ever watched by a few tens of thousands at the stadium from a crowded terrace with most incidents passing by unnoticed. Considering also that this had been an era in which three top level players had been handed prison sentances and life bans for match fixing (http://www.independent.co.uk/sport/mortal-sin-that-strikes-at-the-heart-1611817.html) any idea of moral purity from this era would need to stand up to better scrutiny than he had considered. As he seemed to have no red top tabloid endrosed response he seemed to remain silent. Is it possible that one thing that could be said about the old days is that less people pratted on about the old days back in the old days? Seeing how the narrator of 'Goal', the official film of the 1966 seemed to refer to every 0-0 result as 'typical of the modern game' even that's not true.

Also on the subject of the media's impact on people's perception of how the game is played and the moral integrity of the game, as ever with refereeing errors we face the disingenuously utopian solution from the media of the introduction of video replays for those poor clubs who could potentially lose revenue and those poor fans whose lives are 'ruined' as a result of an official calling it wrong. When discussed at length by Richard Keys et al on Sky Sports, they somehow neglect to converse on how the scenario would lead to football’s over-reliance on their presence and technology.

Also, that 45 minutes is a long time without a commercial break. One minute of video analysis from the third eye is just enough time for 'a word from our sponsors'. Also the game that is played in the Stade De France is in essence the same as that played at the scene of Brady’s last embarrassing outburst at Park Lane, Canvey Island. Will Sky pay for this technology to be installed at the latter, where a wrong decision in the qualifying rounds of the FA Cup could potentially deprive a club of the revenue of a cup run that could make the difference between the death and survival of a club? All I can put forward is a twist to the age old rhetorical question often used to emphasise the obvious....'Is the Pope Irish'?

The Counter Revolution Will Be Televised In The Club Level

This article had appeared in the Christmas 2009 edition of the Gooner Magazine.

http://www.onlinegooner.com/covers/index.php?id=201

A quarter of a century ago this Christmas Michael Burke had made a news report with the honest intention of telling things as he saw it, but sadly for all his good intentions he was unable to foresee an unintended consequence of his actions, I myself have a similar feeling 25 years on. Many have accused the effect of Band Aid and Live Aid on the music scene in the late 80s as being good for Ethiopia but ultimately bad for music, (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1hnPsQX6qVM) but the one thing that surely eases anything that might be remotely troubling the conscience of Michael Burke toward poor up and coming wannabe musicians is that his piece was not proceeded by the introduction 'Michael Burke now reports on whatever happened to the that bloke from the Boomtown Rats?'.

It's rumoured that sometime in the early 90s David Dein had considered the Gooner Magazine such a potent thread he regularly sent people out from the office to purchase a copy in order to get some feeling of what the 'word on the street' was in order to be one step ahead of the game. Whether this practice is still followed is anyone's guess; however back in September I had wrote an article in the Gooner describing the phenomena over the last ten years of pubs in the areas surrounding the ground showing pirate coverage of Arsenal games via foreign satellite. The Gooner had misunderstood my reasons behind the article stating in the sub heading that I urged the club to act in the face of this competition; however nothing could be further from the truth.

The last thing I had wanted was a club sanctioned response to this phenomenon. The appeal of the pubs showing pirate coverage was always that whatever the condition of the bathwater at least we still had the baby intact, something that is more difficult to say about the E******* Stadium and least of all the club level. In all honesty my conscience may be at peace with the fact that in reality I would have more chance of getting a blow job from the pope than bringing something to the attention of the club's board via my article. Despite this I am pretty certain that the club’s move to show non UK televised away matches in the club level against Sunderland in November and Burnley in December to members is definitely a way of generating income in response to the very competition I wrote about back in September. At the very least it’s designed to deny such an income from the pirate bars. I had decided to attend to the showing of the Burnley match in the club level, open to members, in order to compare and contrast with the regular pirate experience enjoyed in the nearby establishments.

Very often with watching games on a plasma screen in a bar there is a feeling deep down that you really wish you were there at the game, however on a freezing cold snowy December night at the notoriously cold Turf Moor 'oop norf' I'm satisfied to be somewhere warm and dry in London. Entry had been £5 with a token for food and drink, which is very similar to the idea of drink tokens for entrance fee policy employed by some of the pub pirates. As the game kicked off though the bar had been woefully under staffed and had to watch the first quarter of an hour of the match (the only good bit from an Arsenal point of view) standing in a queue. Though I could still see a screen, it was still annoying nonetheless. At least I had the joy and undoubted kudos of standing behind the famous/infamous (deleted as appropriate) Highbury Spy of Gooner Magazine fame while he was queuing at the bar.

The price of alcohol at the bar had also been at the usual rip off match day prices of around £3.50 a pint. Oddly my experience of the pirate bars have been much less this year due to the ability to obtain match day tickets at the Grove, though on the rare times that I have I’ve noticed that the price of a pint has surpassed the £3.00 barrier. This may be an indication that even they know their time may be short-lived in the long run and are seeking to maximize their income while they still can.

Overall though, one reason for the success of the pirates over the past decade is the feeling of free expression long since lost to match day attendance. Granted some parts of the experience should have long expired, but again we’re back to the baby and the bathwater scenario. Some fans had tried to raise a singsong during the match in the same manner as what occurs in the pirate bars; however it felt like telling blue jokes at your grandma’s on Boxing Day. The activity is always a joy, it just happens to be wrong and inappropriate in the surroundings you happen to be in.

At half time I went down to the window over looking the pitch, observing the how the club retains its magic carpet all years round with the quite possibly non-environmentally sound ultra violet lamps. While conversing with two middle-aged gents on observation of what an incredibly great view of the pitch you enjoy in club level, we had then proceeded to talk about the club level itself. One despite claiming he first came to Arsenal at a Fairs Cup game in 1969 didn’t exactly fit the archetypal proletarian old skool footie fan and also admitted that he was a ‘business’ man. He did though say something that was right on the money – that Gazidis’s ‘Arsenalization’ project had yet to reach here and you do not see much to do with Arsenal inside the club level. Yes it can be said that this is the corporate part of the ground not the Arsenal part, however surely its ‘Arsenal-ness’ and the stature of the club is what sells the club level, otherwise these people would all be at Selhurst Park or Loftus Road instead. A few pictures of Tony Adams or Frank McLintock holding a trophy surely wouldn’t go a miss?

Poor result and poor atmosphere, were there any positives to this evening? Well there was one - the ability to get on a train at the nearest station to the ground. Ivan Gazidis had said in a Q&A with the Supporters Trust that Arsenal had two undeniable assets – Arsene Wenger and the ground. I’d like to add a third to Ivan’s list from leftfield – how about a national rail station almost on top of the stadium that heads right out to Hertfordshire on one side and down to Moorgate on the other, in close proximity to connecting station out to Essex like Liverpool Street and Fenchurch Street? Drayton Park (below) was always used on match days in the mid 80s, yet rightfully is too dangerous to use in this safety conscious post-Hillsborough age due to the puny space on the platform. Quite why no-one has decided to upgrade this station after three years of the new stadium is anyone’s guess, especially as either side of the track seems to be just shrubbery and that an extended platform can be easily achieved.

The upgrade to Drayton Park is something the club needs both practically and image wise. We are continually embarrassed on a weekly basis as the crowd empties out long before full time. However, as someone who stays until the end and needs to travel in excess of 30 miles home to the Essex sticks the journey can take as long as 3 hours to get back, which is not good on a work night. Maybe in this era of tight spending both the club and the top people from TFL might not care much for people from the Home Counties stuck in a queue to get into Highbury & Islington in the pouring rain of a cold winter’s night? They could do much to help us in our plight but I fear their attitude may be to keep one eye on their profit margins and bloated salaries and simply say ‘tonight thank god it’s them instead of us’.

The Unforgettable.....Whatshisname?

As we are now greeted by the site of the newly ‘Arsenalised’ home of Football in N7 adorned with murals with shirts bearing the names of the great and good that have enriched the history of the club, one thought it would be appropriate to pay tribute to the lesser names who have contributed to pivotal moments in the successes of the Arsenal in the modern era. Arsenal’s modern era of success for me can be divided into four parts – the Mee era, the Neill era, the Graham era and the Wenger era and in the course of this article I shall endeavour to highlight and award one player from each era the recognition of their under-valued efforts.

From the Mee era, the efforts of Graham, McLintock, Charlie George et al live long in the memory, though one man’s name probably wouldn’t have the same allure on the after dinner speaking circuit. Despite this, the early 70s Arsenal renaissance may never have happened at all but for Eddie Kelly’s (Left) vital opening goal in the second leg of the 1970 Fairs Cup Final at Highbury. That night the Arsenal went on to overturn a 1-3 deficit from the first leg and ran out 3-0 winners on the night, 4-3 on aggregate. The momentum gained from that night carried over to the following season, with Arsenal riding on a dual carriageway to glory, albeit at times a rather rocky one at that.

On the final Saturday of the 1970/71 season Arsenal had ground out a vital 1-0 home victory against a Stoke side that not only thrashed them 0-5 earlier on in the season, but contained Gordon Banks – the world’s number one goalkeeper, between the sticks. Kelly came on as a substitute for the injured Peter Storey and had scored the all important winner, thus taking Arsenal to just one point behind Leeds United at the top of the table with a vital game in hand – at White Hart Lane just 48 hours later. Kelly played a full part in the championship decider at the Lane, that the Gooners won 1-0, due to Storey’s injury, though was again banished to the subs bench the following Saturday for the cup final against Liverpool at Wembley.

He had again entered the fray due to an injured Peter Storey and again popped up with a vital goal to cancel out the Scousers’ 1-0 lead. However Eddie had to wait a further 24 hours for recognition of his place in history, courtesy of someone’s eagle eye in the LWT cutting room. George Graham must have been wearing extra long boots that day as he was under the impression he had got the vital last touch on the equaliser, also not the last time he had claimed something not rightfully his in an Arsenal capacity. GG in all modesty however clarified his stance on that goal many years after the event by asking the question ‘who would you rather run after and kiss – me or Eddie Kelly?’

After Charlie’s screamer of a winner in 1971, the Arsenal had to wait another 8 years before regaining that winning feeling under Terry Neill. Between 1978-80 Arsenal reached 4 finals, though lost 3. Many would say that the one that did come off was down to Arsenal’s supposedly inherent ‘lucky’ streak; however some schools would have it down to poor tactics from Terry Neill in putting the ‘79 Cup Final in jeopardy in the first place. Arsenal were comfortably 2-0 up at 84 minutes when Neill decided to substitute David Price (right). Though Price was often over shadowed by the sweet skills of Brady and Rix and the work rate of Brian Talbot, my father assures me that David Price was a talent grossly under-rated by Neill and had been vital in holding off a United comeback in the ’79 Cup Final. Being only 7 months old in May 1979 I’d have to take his word for that, though the 6 minutes that followed his withdrawal saw what neutrals would call a thrilling climax to an otherwise ordinary final. Arsenal fans would just call it an unnecessary rise in blood pressure (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fQEXjVWe6lA&feature=related).

Whatever the merits of David Price, Terry Neill traded him in to Crystal Palace in exchange for the lesser Nicholas of the 1980s two seasons later. Peter the not so great had been one of many flop transfers for Neill which meant another 8 year drought for N5’s finest until GG came back to Highbury to replace Don Howe. Arsenal’s revival of fortunes had been built on the fruits of youth, though vitally supplemented by inexpensive additions to the squad. Central to the renaissance had been the holy trinity of Davis, Rocky and Thomas in Midfield. Davis was held up as mentor to the other two fledglings, even at international level with Davis appearing for England under 21s alongside them as the eligible older player at the ripe old age of 27 (scandalously he never attained a full cap).

As the new breed of black footballers Davis, Rocky and Thomas were very much De La Soul to Regis, Batson and Cunningham’s Three Degrees, though midway through the 88/89 season after Davis’s absence through a combination of suspension and injury it fell to a man with a namesake in the Backstreet Boys to keep the party vibe going. Already a championship winner with Everton, Kevin Richardson (left)provided the vital missing ingredient of experience in a midfield deprived of Davis and Steve Williams’s departure the previous summer. He moved on from Arsenal in 1990, comparing GG’s authoritarianism to that of Colonel Gaddafi, missing out on regaining the title in 1991. However he remains one of the few to win it with two different sides, nearly adding a third with Villa in 1993.

For the lesser recognised hero of the Wengerian era it may be tempting to go for Ray Parlour, however he’s barred by mere universal popularity. The honour instead befalls Sylvain Wiltord, who’s often derided for not being worth the £13 million Arsenal paid out. However since when is a player responsible for the inflated fee a club pays out? At just over 1 goal per 4 games his ratio wasn’t that spectacular, but he was effective whether played centrally or wide. He also contributed some important goals in his 4 years at Highbury, including 6 goals in Arsenal’s run to the 2001 Cup Final and the winner at Old Trafford securing our third double 31 years to the day after our first.

The Wiltord moment that sticks out for me was when he had been banished to the League Cup XI against Rotherham in 2003 (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AEHDeuB2BmA). The crowd made him well aware he was playing a stinker, though for me he was more down on his luck than not trying. The match had gone to a shoot out, Wiltord missing the opener. One sexagenarian man on the North Bank clearly thought his moment of comic genius had come repeatedly shouting ‘we should sell Wiltord to a team from Liechtenstein!’ (If wit was shit, clearly that man was suffering constipation). The shoot out had gone through all eleven players and Wiltord had his moment to make amends for the evening with the deciding penalty and did so. I’d hoped this would regain Wiltord’s confidence, but as the invincibles swept all before them his presence had withered away, with him leaving on a free in the summer. Was Wiltord a £13 Million loss? Looking back after 4 barren years, Nic Bendtner and waiting for Theo Walcott to mature the same kind of player equally effective out wide or in the centre surely anyone instrumental in a double win at Old Trafford has easily repaid that sum with interest? (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0TH-Ky-Cgd8)

The Darling Cup

This article featured in the 200th Anniversary edition of the Gooner magazine in November

http://www.onlinegooner.com/covers/index.php?id=200

The history of the Football League Cup has always been a chequered one. A laughing stock in Football circles from its inception in 1960, until moving the final to Wembley and the promise of a place in Europe had raised its profile by the end of that decade. The height of its importance came after Heysel when it became one of only three possible trophies to win, Arsenal's victorious campaign in 1987 with two goals from Charlie Nicholas (below) in the final against the then mighty Liverpool had spearheaded the longest period of success for Arsenal in the modern era. On 11th November 1998 however came the start of a long cold winter for the cup with three handles. As Arsenal lined up to play Chelsea at Highbury, in a rematch of the previous season’s Semi Final, their side had deliberately consisted of mere second stringers who were subsequently ripped to sheds 5-0 by the visiting holders. There had been much outcry from many Arsenal fans that had shelled out almost £100 to bring their families to Highbury for what they had believed would be a star studded and competitive London derby. In the years that followed the League Cup would fail to be box office.

The rapid expansion of the Champions League at the end of the nineties had meant that both domestic cups would fall lower in the pecking order. While the FA Cup’s importance would be demoted to that which the League Cup previously held, the League Cup in turn looked doomed to a Zenith Data Systems Cup style irrelevance. The sneer of the ‘Joka-Cola Cup’, soon to be followed by that of the ‘Worthless Cup’ meant that the competition had gone full circle back to its original standing in 1960 as the trophy that no-one seemed too bothered about.

In November 2001, back in the heady days of the Wenger-Ferguson Premiership duopoly, Arsenal had been drawn at home to an equally disdainful Manchester United. An Arsenal fan at work had asked me if I wished to buy her ticket as she was otherwise engaged, I declined. By the end of the day after failing to find anyone interested enough to actually pay money to watch this game, she came back to me and asked if I wanted it for free, to which I accepted. It may not be an exaggeration to say that had this ticket been nailed to a wall in an alleyway passers by may have been more inclined to steal the nails. Arsenal ran out 4-0 winners on the night, however despite witnessing Arsenal’s biggest win over United since 1970 at the time it didn’t feel a particularly note worthy victory and hasn’t ever been seen as such since.

Fast forward eight years on from the irrelevance of that 4-0 victory over a fellow Champions League side, the recent Liverpool clash ( http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Rg7svJebmlI) had been witnessed by a 60,000 capacity crowd and had sold out quicker than most of the weekend premiership matches at Arsenal so far this season. Though the £10 ticket price is a big factor, as is the considerable southern fan base of the opposition, there is also the belief that this once derided competition is worth watching again due to the Wengerite philosophy of using the tournament as a showcase for up and coming talent. The turning point for the competition had come during the 2003/04 campaign, as ‘the invincibles’ of the first team took the Premiership by storm, in the Carling Cup debuts were awarded to future first stringers Gael Clichy and Cesc Fabregas. From hereafter Arsenal would achieve 8 quarter final appearances on the bounce with virtually a reserve/youth team, putting to the sword several formidable Premiership opposition sides in the process.

A contributory factor to the trophy void that has emerged over the last five seasons could well be not taking this trophy as seriously as other sides do, however the Carling Cup has built for itself a portfolio of great moments during that time. Such moments in that portfolio include the time the kids mashed the Spuds after going two down at the Lane, Baptista tearing Liverpool apart at Anfield (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_zJFOci1CqY&feature=related) and debuts and first goals for several of today’s regular squad members and key players. It is also much noted how distinctive Carling Cup night is from any regular match night, be it at Highbury or the new Home of Football in Holloway. Mexican waves aside on Carling Cup night our architecturally great stadium feels like it has the kind of atmosphere it was built for, as opposed to the soulless bowl it has come to be seen as due to a continuation of the ‘Highbury Library’ vibe.

While the FA Cup’s adaptation to Footballing modernity rapidly feels like a competition that has lost an empire and yet to find a role, the Carling Cup in contrast seems to be enjoying a whole new lease of life and is indeed once again box office. Despite the exception of the 5-1 mauling at White Hart Lane in the 2007/08 campaign and possibly seeing Cheryl Tweedy’s husband glee the year before after Chelsea survived a first half onslaught by the Young Guns, it is still the case that exiting the Carling Cup is a lesser blow than losing a game in the either of the other two cup competitions or in the Premiership. However the words ‘Joka-Cola Cup’ and ‘Worthless Cup’ seem to pop up far less frequently than they used to. In fact such is the joy that has emanated from this competition over the last few years, if I may be so bold I’d like to propose the moniker ‘Darling Cup’ for future reference.

A Prize Cult?

This Article was published in the October 2009 edition of the Gooner Magazine

http://www.onlinegooner.com/covers/index.php?id=199

Once upon a time four young men from Merseyside shook up the world, three of which were so talented that had they been in any other group they would have been the sole creative force within that combo. The aforementioned three never really had any affiliation with the beautiful game; though the fourth guy did, however he followed neither the red or blue half of Merseyside. It’s a little known fact but through Harry Graves, Ringo's London born stepfather he actually became a Gooner (http://stage.hn.haymarketnetwork.com/editorial/features/didthebeatleshidetheirfootballingloveaway.aspx).

It was Harry Graves who bought Ringo (Right) his first drum kit, however Ringo's abilities as a musician stood in stark contrast to that of his colleagues. When asked whether Ringo was the best drummer in the world, John Lennon had replied that Ringo 'wasn’t even the best drummer in the Beatles’. Despite this however there are few beatlemaniacs that would, if given the choice, have replaced Ringo with a more accomplished drummer of the time, say Kenny Jones from the Small Faces or Charlie Watts from the Stones. Ringo, by merely being Ringo, seemed to have brought something essential to the party that overcame his lack of talent and in the process became a pop legend in his own right. NME hack Mark Beaumont backs this view, actually naming Ringo as his favourite Beatle. As he explains, Ringo ‘could make hitting a snare drum sound like punching a wet dachshund. Yes, he had a voice like a flock of diseased geese fighting over a clown’s car horn. True, he was the pugly one who lucked in at the last minute. But Ringo was The Beatles. He was the novelty factor without which they would’ve been just showing off’.

It’s with this in mind I ask you to consider what is it exactly that makes an Arsenal icon? Talent goes a long way, however it is not the sole criteria. It surely can’t be just me that finds it the slightest bit strange how over the years Perry Groves has morphed into the ‘cult hero’ of the Arsenal terraces. My early memories of Perry Groves (below) was that his presence rarely ever excited the crowd, even more so seeing how he, in his own words, was more often than not the ‘stuntman’ for far more popular players such as Charlie Nick, Rocky, Merse and Limpar. In fact by 1991/92 the indifference turned to jeers. Yet his autobiography, released in 2006, has gone on to outsell others by players far more technically gifted and famous than he, including one particular former Highbury full back. It’s appeal was summed up in it’s ‘When Saturday Comes’ review as ‘the literary equivalent of a Carry On film; despite its hackneyed feel and cringe-worthy moments, you end up laughing ­guiltily, at parts of it anyway’.


Perry's B-Movie like cult status is highlighted by Jon Spurling in his book centred around Arsenal's erractic fortunes in the 1980s 'All Guns Blazing', published with a great deal of hindsight from an era of consistent achievement in 2001. He states that 'There was a film made a few years ago called 'Mars Attacks', which is a tribute to some of the '60s kitsch cinematic hits. It's a bizarre combination of humour, crappy costumes, a weird storyline and deliberately low budget scenery. It is also, in parts, quite effective and, to quote certain cinematic critics - enjoyable rubbish. Less charitable Arsenal fans would claim that many of these phrases aptly sum up Groves....Perry was B-Grade in every sense - talent, vision, and crucially looks'. Spurling also goes on to add that 'it is doubtful whether or not a cult figure like Perry would be tolerated in the win-or-else '90s, where failure to do so provokes hysterical on-air counselling with David Mellor or Richard Littlejohn'.

As we stand in late 2009, the era of the win-or-else '90s is well behind us, however its worth taking a quick look at the current crop at the Arsenal to see who among them will be the unlikely 'B-Movie' style icon of the era. We have many in the A-list category whose possession of sublime touch and skill, even at times majestic brilliance, who barring a Cashley or Greedybarndoor-esque hissy fit will be assured recognition of their talent and efforts in an Arsenal shirt when we arrive at the year 2029. Who though will be the footballing Ringo of the era, whose shortcomings will be no barrier to immortality? For me there is only one contender. Like Groves he too has borne the brunt of his recognized, yet for me exaggerated, ineptitude.

In the aftermath of the ‘Ebooing’ incident I had expressed through these pages indifference to the fuss made by the press in reaction to what happened against Wigan last December. I had stated that bearing the brunt of 60,000 angry punters was nothing compared to what some sectors of the UK workforce have to put up with for much less in a year than what Eboue would earn in a week. I had also stated the fact that better and more popular players had previously experienced what Eboue had and that the booing would disappear with a few decent performances. It is important to recognize the fact that the man himself never actually did wallow in self pity and complain about ‘not being loved’, as other players have done since.

Though this may well be an admission of having far too much time on my hands, in August of this year I actually took the day off work for the Arsenal member’s day and viewed the open training session at the Stadium. One person who clearly grasped the PR importance of the day in interacting with the Arsenal public was Emmanuel Eboue, he reveled in larking about with the crowd. As the players left the stadium in their expensive and impressive motor vehicles through the Queensland Road exit, most had looked to maneuver past the mostly young autograph hunters as quickly as possible. One player though had made a concerted effort to stop and sign - Emmanuel Eboue.

If any one player could be justified in wanting to put some distance between himself and the fans after last year it would be Eboue, however this light hearted and jovial approach is apparently in keeping with his nature. Other Arsenal players have described the man as ‘funnier than most comedians on the telly’. On meeting the queen at Buckingham Palace Eboue had decided it appropriate to break with convention and roll around on the floor with the corgis. In terms of breaking through the stuffy etiquette that comes with meeting the reigning monarch it’s not quite as good as Tommy Cooper’s request for her cup final tickets when she answered ‘no’ to his question of whether she followed football, but it comes somewhere close. The fans have also taken to pointing out that Eboue comes from Africa, followed by the bold assertion that he is ‘better than Kaka’. Whether in 20 years time it will still be sung at the Arsenal, like the ‘Perry Groves World’ chant, only time will tell.

Ship Ahoy! - Watching The Arsenal Pirate Style

This article had appeared in the September 2009 edition of the Gooner Magazine

http://www.onlinegooner.com/covers/index.php?id=198

I can still remember it clearly today, over a decade later. When sneaking into an almost empty Walthamstow pub with the intention to borrow the little boy’s room without arousing the attention the establishment to the fact that I was not a paying customer. It had been around 4.15PM on a Saturday afternoon and on the big screen had been Leicester City v Liverpool live and exclusive with the soundtrack of a foreign commentator. As if by magic, a Saturday afternoon football broadcast from an English football ground that had not been via Radio commentary or a report from Grandstand, explaining to those of us not fortunate enough to be present what we could only dream of seeing unfold before our very eyes. A window into a whole new world, meaning we no longer had to wait until 10.30PM to be able to view what actually was the Match of the Day.

It’s nearly a quarter of a century ago that I first began to attend Arsenal matches with my father, on the long trip up via train and tube from the Essex sticks. This had been a joy rationed to only four or five times a season for me, however from a young age I had vowed that once I had a disposable income of my own I too shall hold my own season ticket and be regular face on the North Bank. In the years since I first gained an income in the late 90s a combination of unprecedented demand, an extensive waiting list and a 600% increase in the cheapest season ticket meant that such a dream never came to pass. However my wish to view every second of the season in an environment of free expression within reasonable means has been a privilege enjoyed for several years now.

A few years ago I had the pleasure of meeting Sir Chips Keswick, member of the Arsenal board and officially the world’s poshest man. He had asked me how often I managed to obtain tickets for the E******s Stadium. I had answered with candour that I manage to get tickets around four or five times a season, yet watched live every other game of the season illegally on foreign satellite in the surrounding areas of North London if it wasn’t available on Sky. While remaining his polite self, from his expression I had noticed that I had dropped a major faux pas in revealing something I really should have kept to myself. He had looked to circulate elsewhere in the room, said it had been nice talking to one and advised me to subscribe to the then fledgling, now defunct Setanta and particularly Arsenal TV, then moved on.

Sir Chips Keswick: Wrong about Setanta

While the premiership has looked to increase its revenue over the last 17 years, those priced out of the match day experience in the years since have sought ever more ways to recapture that lost joy. The situation has since come to pass that almost all premiership matches on any given Saturday are shown live by satellite stations with a reception within reach of the UK. Reminiscent of the early days of rock n roll when a shortfall in coverage from indigenous broadcasters brought the birth of offshore pirate radio to quench the thirst of a national obsession, there has been a similar modern day realisation of how broadcasting technology rarely ever respects national boundaries.

To accompany foreign satellite television has also come live streaming of overseas coverage via the net (http://www.justin.tv/directory/sports), however like the similar predicament of 60s youth losing Radio Caroline’s signal to the sound of static, there too is the same frustration of losing the stream mid-match and the frantic search to find another before missing anything vital. The perfect remedy for guaranteeing full pirate coverage of the Arsenal without the irritation of constantly losing the stream, or arriving in a pub showing another side at 3PM is acquiring the knowledge of which pubs around North London guarantee coverage of the Arsenal on a Saturday afternoon, however if you are wishing me to enlighten you here and now as to where then you will be disappointed. After all, in the words of a quote from a famous cult movie “rule number one of fight club is that we do not talk about fight club”.

The legitimacy of showing such matches has long been a legal mooting point, the precedent case for which involves a pub in Portsmouth named “Red, White and Blue”. Karen Murphy, the publican of the bar in question, received matches from Greek station Nova Sports at a much lower price than that of BSkyB and was subsequently prosecuted by Portsmouth Crown Court under the Copyright Designs and Patents Act 1988. However Nova Sports, as well as many of the other foreign channels that such publicans subscribe to operate within the EU, therefore the High Court granted Ms Murphy the right to appeal her prosecution to the European Court of Justice as a restraint of free trade among member states. Her case is due to appear before the Luxembourg court in the near future.

One legal observer (http://www.prnewswire.co.uk/cgi/news/release?id=194786) has assessed the possible effects of the Premier league’s ongoing pursuit to crack down on such pubs as potentially being ‘the sledgehammer that cracked the table and missed the walnut altogether’, in that if Murphy's conviction is upheld, it would also make illegal around 2 million Sky systems that are presently installed across other countries in the EU. The intention of the Copyright Designs and Patents Act 1988 was to incorporate EU statute 93/83, under which judgment could be applied throughout the European Union against Sky in favour of the indigenous broadcaster. On the other hand, if Murphy’s prosecution is overturned it would lead to the undermining of the licensing of media rights on a territory-by-territory basis, meaning Sky would be far less inclined to pay handsomely for exclusive UK rights.

It can also be said that despite Sir Chips’ latent disapproval, the establishments around North London who screen Arsenal’s matches live on Saturday afternoons were previously low down on the list of worries for the Arsenal board. However, this season the availability of 3PM Saturday home Premiership games on general sale will be at its most frequent for over a decade. The presence of these bars, with their available alcohol, pre-premiership terrace atmosphere and camaraderie are, in the current climate, unwanted competition for the board. They may just have to reassess whether asking fans to fork out £60 plus for an environment in which you are forced to sit throughout and face the threat of ejection for daring to sing really is value for money.

The Man Who Would Be King

My take on why the above picture was never likely to occur, as published in the August Edition of the Gooner Magazine

http://www.onlinegooner.com/covers/index.php?id=197

Image if you will a parallel universe, as described by walking Jimmy Greaves Scots Goalkeeping cliché Jim Leighton. It’s May 14th 1986 and in strolling through the doors of the marble halls, on their way to an awaiting press are two Scotsmen. One is making a long awaited return to the scene of the greatest triumphs of his footballing career after a 14 year exile. He is fresh from transforming Millwall from the brink of the fourth tier of English football and put them on a course which would eventually result in their only ever outing at English football’s top table by the end of the 1980s. The other is a former shop steward of the Clyde shipyards, fresh from breaking the Celtic-Rangers duopoly on the Scottish title (a duopoly that would resume on his exit) and establishing Aberdeen as a major domestic and European trophy winning outfit. He is also on his way to the Mexico 86 World Cup with the Scottish national side, a placement which will terminate with Scotland’s exit from the tournament for Ferguson to take up his post with the Arsenal and lead Arsenal into a brave new era.

The above scenario however never did come to pass. Though Graham did arrive here in May 1986 Fergie obviously didn’t and later took up the offer to lead another iconic English footballing institution roughly 6 months later. However the thought of a Ferguson/Graham double act would certainly have been a cause for great optimism for Arsenal fans starved of success in 1986 and judging from Richard Buxcey’s online Gooner article in June(http://www.onlinegooner.com/exclusive/index.php?id=1203) it’s one that relatively success starved Gooners of the present day would ponder while looking on in envy after watching Ferguson march to a second hat-trick of titles in less than 10 years. However my own take on this vision is that had the above scenario come to pass, the Arsenal of today would be a very different outfit, but not necessarily for the better. Buxcey claims in his article that ‘Part of me thinks that maybe he had an even stronger platform from which to start here, than that he had when he took the reins at Old Trafford. The basis of the ‘89 title winners was already in place in 86/87’. This is a point I strongly disagree with.

An imperious Fergie North of the Border, alongside his United predecessor who contrary to folk myth also had some silverware of his own to parade.

In the summer of 1986 there was far more of a transformation required at Highbury than at Old Trafford. Ferguson, like George Graham at Highbury had taken over a club where many of it’s biggest stars were embroiled in an after hours drinking culture, however despite 19 years without a league title (a gap of only 4 years longer than our own at the time) they had won two of the three cup finals that they had reached in the previous four seasons. Contrast this with Arsenal in 1986 who had not won a trophy or reached a final for 6 years, they had in fact won only 1 trophy since the double of 1971. Despite the fact we had several international players on the books it was blatantly obvious that Arsenal Football Club were deeply mired in a culture of underachievement by this point.

Despite Ron Atkinson’s poor start to the 1986/87 season (which began with a 1-0 defeat at Highbury in August) the United squad had a great deal of strength to it. They had started the season before winning all of their first ten games, which is still a top flight record to this day. Amongst the United squad at this point had been often injured, but still no less vital, captain marvel Bryan Robson. Also among their squad were players eventually sold by Fergie who had continued to be effective at the top level into the 1990s, such as Gordon Strachan, Paul McGrath and Kevin Moran. United also had the talents of Norman Whiteside and Jesper Olsen starring at Mexico 86 the previous summer, as well as the reliable and experienced former Gooner Frank Stapleton. Despite being bottom of the table United were a still a strong squad on Fergie’s arrival, with many players who had recent experience of winning trophies, yet Fergie still took 4 seasons to win his first silverware at Old Trafford.

It’s very easy to forget Fergie’s standing in English football as the 1980s drew to a close. He was at this point in grave danger being the managerial equivalent of Charlie Nicholas, in that once he had came to England he had started to look a pale shadow of the imperious and all conquering figure he been north of the border. In Fergie’s first four seasons at Old Trafford United had only finished in the top ten once and outside of their victorious 1990 FA Cup run posed no challenge in cup competition whatsoever. In this clip here Ferguson is quick to less than subtly remind Sky Sports reporter Geoff Shreeves of this less than glorious period in his reign at Old Trafford (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A1r1av1Shn4).

By May 1990 Fergie had spent £12.9 Million in transfer fees and recouped £3.1 Million in players sold, equaling a net loss of £9.8 Million. Compare this to George Graham who had picked up his first trophy 11 months into the job, who had only paid out £75,000 for Perry Groves and had recouped £1.2 Million from sales, equaling a net gain of £1.125 Million. Ferguson’s route to success had been a costly one that the Arsenal of May 1986 could not afford, especially if you take into account an alleged debt of £1 Million and crowds regularly under 20,000. Man Utd in contrast had average attendances regularly around 40,000 and were even back then the most supported club in the country.

One major benefit that Arsenal had had with regard to saving on transfers at this point had been the produce of our youth system, which had came into fruition under Graham. Would Fergie have got the same results with such raw talent? Richard Buxcey highlights his 90s fledglings as testament to Fergie’s abilities in this field; however here too Fergie had also been a late bloomer. His original fledglings of the late 80s had also been tipped for great things; however are Russell Beardsmore and Mark Robins held in the same esteem as Adams or Rocastle? Until the emergence of Ryan Giggs, Ferguson had no reputation for developing young talent whatsoever and preferred to buy big name stars for big money.

Of course it goes without saying that Ferguson did eventually rise up to easily become the most successful manager of his era, largely due to the faith and persistence of the United board despite fans remaining largely unconvinced about Ferguson right up until his first title in 1993. Would the Arsenal board have given as much time for Ferguson to have come good? Richard Buxcey believes so citing the faith in Wenger after a fourth potless season. However the faith is accorded to Wenger due to past successes at the club. There isn’t any real modern precedent of Arsenal remaining as faithful to a manager trophyless from the inception of his reign, for as long as United did without wielding the axe. It’s also highly doubtful that a man as ruthlessly ambitious as George Graham would have remained as Ferguson’s number two to wait patiently for his chance at Highbury and in all likelihood we would also have lost the man who did turn out to be our real savior in the late 80s.

In all likelihood therefore if Ferguson were appointed manager of Arsenal in 1986 it may well have been yet another false dawn for the Highbury faithful. It too may have been disastrous for Fergie, as failure at Arsenal may well have soiled his reputation south of the border and seen him return to what became a far less competitive Scottish league once David Murray’s millions became a factor at Ibrox. Thankfully in hindsight it looks like both Arsenal and Sir Alex Ferguson collectively dodged a bullet with this one.

Lest we forget that from the same era as the above, this had also occurred......

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o3SoLyyNOGk

Teenage Kicks - The Arrival of Punk Football

This article featured in the April edition of the Gooner Magazine.

http://www.onlinegooner.com/covers/index.php?id=196

In 1990 football became the ‘new rock ‘n’ roll’, with footballers in turn becoming the new rock n roll stars. Italia 90 was the Blackboard Jungle moment; Paul Gascoigne was its Bill Haley, the chubby faced and non-pretty star of this sexy new genre who later would be afflicted by alcoholism and paranoia two decades later after his ousting from the spotlight by cooler, better looking and younger upstarts. The new rock n roll like the old one had grown up in a world of new found prosperity, however by the time the old one had approached the close of its second decade it had began to wither along with the world economy.

All had looked rosy on the surface for the old rock n roll, it filled stadiums and its stars had vast amounts of wealth, but this bloated excess had begun to alienate it from the common herd that had paid its hard earned and increasingly diminishing wages to view the ants from a distance within huge stadiums. It had also started to become a more adult orientated activity, which the youth were increasingly priced out of. A youth led backlash had to happen, and low and behold it did in the form of pub rock, punk rock and the new wave. Away from the enormous concrete bowl stadia, in the cheaper alternative of the 100 club or the crown and anchor, the stars of the show were close enough to see the whites in the eyes of their audience. So could something be about to emerge from the football world which equates to this kind of paradigm shift?

Richard Williams of the Guardian seemed to think so last May in his article ‘Stadium rock of top flight looks bloated against the joy division’ http://www.guardian.co.uk/sport/blog/2008/may/12/stadiumrockoftopflightloo . He points to the continued increase in average attendances for the Football League, attracting more spectators in 2007/8 than Serie A, due to its ‘appealing to an audience in search of a more basic experience’. He also adds that ‘Looking ahead, it might be worth remembering what happened to pub rock. Its back-to-the-roots ethic and DIY practicality provided the direct inspiration for the punk movement, which came along to sweep away a generation who believed their hold on power was absolute and permanent.’

Since the credit crunch there is much to be said for the rise in demand of the cheap and the basic, one only need to look at the 80% rise in profits for McDonalds. It is always the way that in times of economic downturn such products experience boom years, and in turn bust when an economy picks up again. This was true of the football industry as a whole as attendances boomed from the depression and austerity years between the 1920s and 1950s, then dwindled as the country never had it so good and alternative forms of entertainment (like popular music) emerged. However since the 90s boom years, football has made itself a luxury for many; therefore Richard Williams is in the right ball park, however not entirely correct.

One only needs to look at admission fees in the championship and throughout the Football League to show you just how far an escape from football’s excesses it can be, with prices on a weekly basis hardly recession friendly. What also needs to be taken into account is the fact in recent years a much lower number of the countries top clubs go shopping for bargains in England’s lower divisions. Football League players today are therefore, more often than not, on their way down in the football world. For real punk football it has to be cheaper, have a cult-like obscurity to the general public, but also easily accessible. Vitally Punk football stars like the Pistols, Dr Feelgood et al in 1976 must also have the potential one day to take their raw talents to the very top. The answer therefore lies lower down in the football food chain, is very often seen at Underhill, though doesn’t at all involve Barnet.

As irony has it, Johnny Rotten, the man who’s sneer helped bring Punk Rock into the national consciousness happens to be a lifelong Arsenal fan who grew up in Benwell Road, which lies close to the concrete bowl of the E******* Stadium. As many may have seen in his YouTube rant outside the stadium, (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yrz92Z0SsDI) he points and screams at the post-2002 cannon emblem ‘YOU HAVE LET ME DOWN...YOU FUCKING BASTARDS...I GREW UP SUPPORTING YOU AND I GET THAT!’. However he also ends his rendition of ‘You are my Sunshine’ with the line ‘I’ll always love you...but fucking hell, who took the Arsenal away?’ Punk rock did never actually totally abandon the anarchic concept of rock and roll and in the words of fellow Pistol Glen Matlock ‘looked to get back to the freshness and energy of the 50s’. Therefore, with this in mind abandoning one’s concept of supporting your existing passion shouldn’t come into it. And like Punk rock idealism also, it must be by the kids, for the kids.

It was one December evening in 1976 when the nation first got exposed to the Pistols with their infamous Bill Grundy interview and for me it was a December evening 32 years later when Punk football burst into my consciousness. For no admission fee whatsoever I had witnessed Eduardo’s comeback before a fervent crowd (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G9lU8LQ4J0A), very few of whom over the age of 25 and probably even less of whom get into the E******* on a regular basis when you take account of the average age of a Premiership match day attendee being 43! The ‘Eduardo Da Silva – Arsenal’s No. 9’ song had been loud and continuous, even though his impact in the game had been little. I had also been there for the Cardiff game 2 months on, and despite Eddie’s explosive return I had found the E******* muted by comparison. Cardiff in February was also equally muted compared to the excellent 3-1 FA Youth Cup Quarter Final win at WHL in front of 19,084 for the princely sum of £3.00 (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-eR67RXMlvE). It’s rather ironic also that the E*******’s Stadium Anthem on match days should be an Elvis number, seeing how his bloated excess was terminal at the same time as punk’s vitality was in the ascendency.

Sadly like Punk Rock, punk football is almost certain not to last forever and may even in a perverse way feed the great evil it seeks to destroy. The talents of Jack Wilshire and Jay Emmanuel-Thomas, like the Jam and the Clash before them, will leave the small venues behind to fill stadiums across the globe, their successors on the scene may be taken up by the footballing equivalents of the Leighton Buzzards. But, for the time being at least, never mind the bollocks – here’s to the Arsenal Youth!

A few weeks subsequent to this article Arsenal went on to win the FA Youth Cup, the home leg of the final had seen a 4-1 victory over Liverpool in front of a crowd of 33,000.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NHRF1DPxlzU&feature=related